Monthly Archives: May 2008
I loooove Cyanide and Happiness. It is probably my favorite all-time webcomic. I also like XKCD, Basic Instructions, and a couple others. XKCD even did a comic about The Magic Schoolbus, which was excellent. There is one comic that I’m looking for though, that I can’t remember the name of!
I saw it once or twice through Cracked (another favorite website). I have spent a good amount of time searching for it but I can’t remember the name or anything. In fact, I almost wonder now if I am mixing it up with something that Seanbaby did on Cracked. The comic was old fashioned characters, drawn like they were straight out of the 50s and had vulgar text bubbles, but it was so great. Seanbaby frequently posts revised comics like that, and they are almost all fantastic, but I still think it was some regular webcomic. If that rings a bell with you, please be sure to let me know!
“What do you look for in a person?”
“Someone sweet, funny, cute, caring, and fun.”
“Yeah, what else is there? Oh yeah, honest and loyal.”
Along with some people having very limited versions of what they feel that “Love” really is, it seems as though some people do not know a great deal of what they want, either. Actually, people seem to think they know what they want without thinking in terms of the greater spectrum of character traits, habits, etc that they could or could not put up with, or even that they would need their potential partner to be able to put up with.
That makes me think about all the little things that go on from day to day. I guess technically, if you have not had any relationships (or very few, or all VERY good ones) to learn from, then you probably don’t know a lot of what you don’t like in order to form a valid opinion on the subject. But if you’ve been hurt, I’d hope you’d learn from your mistakes and decide further what you want and what you do not want in the next person/relationship you commit to.
It all just makes me wonder though, how much people do give thought to someone? I think that although most people most likely know what they want and don’t want, specifically, they are not specific enough when they are actually seeking out a potential mate. Some people seem to date almost anyone, and it seems as though often times their criteria is very broad.
That is fine for choosing a date. But if you are looking for a potentially serious, committed relationship with someone you could settle down with, shouldn’t you look for more than just a handful of basic qualities?
So you find a girl or guy who is sweet, funny, caring, loyal, and even hot! And then you find out that – they regularly treat the waitstaff poorly at your favorite restaurant! You know what this often indicates for sometime later on, the deeper thoughts and intentions that they of course do not wish to let surface.
To really know what you want, you have to know yourself.
What if you have a problem with depression? Perhaps on the surface, or during the time you are meeting them and starting to date them, you act completely normal and happy. How is that person going to react when they discover that side of you? Or maybe you are not depressed, but they are? How will you react at seeing them act like this? What if the person you are starting to get serious with has anger problems? What if they’ve cheated? What if they do not want children, and you do? How much of these differences can you handle? What kinds of issues are you capable of accepting in your partner? What kinds of issues do you have that they’ll need to be able to accept? Can you honestly accept the other person as they are without desiring to change them?
Obviously, no one wears a name badge to a date stating all their problems and innermost issues.
“Hi, I’m Bob, and while I seem nice right now, I’m really a narcissistic prick with anger management issues and a history of domestic abuse. Nice to meet you!”
Yet people still seem to let infatuation take control and when they feel like they are “in love“, they go gung ho into it. One key thing I often consider: if you can’t see faults in the person, be careful. This to me would generally indicate to me one of the following two potential options:
- You’re completely blinded by infatuation and don’t realize their faults, and/or…
- You see no faults in them because they are still hiding them all.
The basic foundation of any relationship to me is not just trust or commitment, but most of all – honesty and openness. Honesty is the mere act of being truthful whereas openness is speaking truths that you may not feel are necessary for the other person to know, especially those that you do not wish to tell them, and by completely being yourself.
How can the other person grow to love you as you are, if you are not truly being as you really are? This is unfair to both parties of the relationship. It’s unfair to you because you will not know if they will truly love you if you have skeletons in your closet. It’s unfair to them because they are not being granted the opportunity to show they love and accept all of you, including whatever skeletons may be hanging around.
Do they feel comfortable opening up and being completely their self around you? If not, they are robbing you of the ability to know them and love them completely, or to know that you can’t accept them as they are and must move on. However, if they continuously receive backlash when they attempt to open up to you, you can bet they will stop trying.
If you think you are in love, stop and ask yourself these questions:
- How well do you know yourself and what you want and need?
- Are you able to be completely yourself with the other person?
- Do you allow that person to be completely their self without admonishing them for it?
- Will you feel loved, and be able to show the other person love, the way they see it?
- Are you comfortable opening up the most deep parts of yourself to the other person?
- Can you accept them as they are without needing to change them, and do they offer the same to you?
Don’t put all your time, energy, and resources into someone you are merely infatuated with. Infatuation makes you feel like you are on top of the world and the other person can do no wrong. Think about what you are really interested in the other person for, and why that person may really be interested in you, before you take that next step in your relationship. Don’t limit your thinking to what you would like in a person, think about what type of person would actually be best for you.
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.
The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her (As ALL men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, ‘I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00….
On one condition’
Love is one of my favorite things to think about, because I find it so fascinating. I’ve polled some of my friends and gotten a limited range of answers. Most often, I get a classic answer of, “You just know,” or, “It’s the most wonderful feeling, I can’t describe it.” This response is incredibly insufficient to me. I cannot attribute a mere “feeling” to something as powerful as “love”. So how do you know when someone really loves you? How do you know when you are really in love yourself?
Additionally, we use the one word in so many different ways. The same core meaning, and yet a different meaning, depending on who you are saying it to. You love your friends, your family, your significant other. Yet, you love each individual a different way. How can you love your family, love your friends, and love your significant other, even though you are romantic with your significant other, which varies from how you love your friends, or family. On a side note, have you noticed how sometimes friends are treated with more respect than family or even a significant other?
That said, I have separated definitions for what I attribute to being “love”, being “in love”, and what I feel is “not love at all”. Yet only today, I realized that I actually am not entirely clear on some of the aspects of love myself, in spite of having thought about it so much and so often. For example, how does one know they feel loved? How does one express love? I haven’t even defined those things for myself, but I have figured out my definition (which still gives insight into how I would both express and receive it). I feel that a person’s definition of love matters greatly, especially in the context of a relationship. To me, too-different definitions of love can, do, or will have a similarly adverse effect of complete communication failure.
Person A may love person B in ways 1 and 2, but person B feels loved by ways 3 and 4. Thinking from the way they feel, person B shows love by ways 3 and 4, but person A would feel loved by ways 1 and 2. In that scenario, neither person A nor person B would ever fully feel as loved, and both person A and person B would get frustrated by attempting to show love with the other person never feeling fully loved. Granted, that’s based on significantly different ways of expressing and receiving and feeling love, not ways that are almost alike. But this is how it happens for some people.
Without any further delay, I have provided my own personal breakdown of “love”, “in love”, and what I deem to be “not love at all”. (Technical terms!)
Love – Love to me is an action, not a feeling. Love to me is something that you do for people. It is not sexual. It does not require any action on their part. You can love someone without ever being loved back by them. To me, love involves showing another person how you feel about them through your care, concern, and desire for their wellbeing. You want them to be happy, you want them to feel good about themselves, you want the best for them. In a relationship, true love is when you want the best for someone else, them to be happy, even if it’s not with you.
In Love – I do not use “love” to describe the feeling because I tend to interpret “in love” to be more a term used to describe infatuation. If you think a person is perfect, you are blind to any fault, then you are not staying level-headed. It creates an illusion. Eventually the feeling begins to fade and is replaced by reality. If you are blind to the other person’s faults, and there are many, it comes crashing down on you. But generally I would use “in love” to describe the romantic feelings you feel towards someone. Love can be shown toward parents, siblings, friends, and partners. But you aren’t “in love” with your relatives. (If you are, there’s something very wrong!). “In love” can to me describe infatuation but only when there is something more behind it. Generally I can “love” someone easier than I can be “in love” with someone. If I had to describe the infatuated “in love” feeling, I’d say it’s the part that most people describe as love. “You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you can’t do anything but think about that person. The sky is bluer. The clouds are fluffier. The grass is greener.” (etc, etc.) Everyone I’ve asked, and I’ve asked a number of people, seems to describe love as being this “indescribable feeling” and many people will say, “I can’t describe it. You just know. You’ll know when you’re in love.” But again “in love” seems to be a description of infatuation, which is rather deceptive. I think that’s why I am highly reluctant to opt to be with a person who “makes me feel good”. Yes, you do want someone to make you feel good but to me that should be the icing on the cake, not the sole or even primary reason.
Not Love At All – This should be self-explanatory, right? Unfortunately it’s often not. I posted the comments from the forum because well, they sum it up quite well. There have been times when need replaces love. If you love someone, you love them because, well, you do. You love them because you think so well of them. You love them because you want the best for them. You don’t love someone out of need for them. If need equaled love, there wouldn’t be the ever-so-popular saying, “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours.” If you need someone, you don’t want to ever “set them free” because you need them. I mean, no one says, “Hey, let me go without oxygen for an hour and see where it gets me.” Another not-love-at-all is lust. Love is not sex. Granted, love can be expressed through sex, but sex does not make love. Lust does not make love. Physical attraction, no matter how intense, does not equate to genuine, heartfelt love.
I am always curious to hear how other people think of love and being in love. To me, another way of putting it is that I equate love to a decision. Love to me is a choice. As I consider it something you do, not just a feeling you feel, to me you have to choose to love someone. Your feelings sway and when you’re mad at someone it’s hard to feel loving toward them. However if you love them, you love them no matter what. Even if they’ve hurt you, even if you’re angry with them, even if they don’t offer anything in return, you still want the best for them. What do you think? Have you ever been in a person A/person B situation?
|Something like this…With Pizazz!|
Three things before I post any actual material:
- This is my first post to my first real blog! YAY! Finally something more adult and worthwhile. I think it will be, anyways. *grin* Then again, like any of my other enthusiastically embarked on pet-projects, I may just end up starting this and tiring of it quickly out of running out of interesting materials to add. I guess that means that I should add crap, even if only a line or two, whether I feel like it or not.
- I’m starting out by copying some of my old stuff from my blog on MySpace, and since no one reads my crap on MySpace (or very few) and since I really don’t like MySpace much to begin with, nor do I see any great purpose to it, I am posting it here. Because…
- I WANT comments! Hardly anyone replies to any bulletins or blogs that I post on MySpace, and the people that do, do not reply in the way I hope (that is, to give additional insight, ideas, or perspectives) – so MAYBE after I’ve posted a crapload to this blog, and maybe get some people to come across it, I will actually get some useful information!
Now that I’ve successfully started out with a great whining session about how MySpace sucks and convinced anyone who’s come across this to leavebecause I have whined so much from the get go… I will post. I promise that subsequent posts will neither be about MySpace sucking, nor will they be full of whining. Most of them won’t be, anyways. 😉